How to date a dad

It's no secret that women gossip about their love lives. So when Amy, 27, finally scored herself a date with a very hot guy she had chatted to a few times at her local café, all her friends knew about it.

Charming and handsome, Amy's love interest worked at a Melbourne hospital, which earned him the nickname "McDreamy" among her friends. He even texted her the morning of her date just to say how much he was looking forward to it - bonus potential boyfriend points.

As expected, Amy's best friend Kelly called her the morning after for the full debrief, but there wasn't much to tell - he'd cancelled an hour before they we're supposed to meet. Before Kelly could brand him an unreliable douche, Amy told her, "The most annoying thing of all is that I can't even be mad at him because he was so apologetic, even though it wasn't his fault his son had been running a high fever."

Yep, it turns out that, in addition to being Patrick Dempsey's uncanny doppelganger, McDreamy was also a single dad with a two-year old son.

Reality bites

Being all dressed up with no date to go to, thanks to a sick toddler, was a first for Amy. However these sorts of situations come with the territory when the man in your life has another woman's child in theirs.

"Dating a dad is often much harder," confirms social psychologist Dr Dina McMillan. "His obligations to his children can impact on your relationship on a day-to-day basis. Plans get cancelled if a situation comes up at the last minute with the child or if there is an emergency with his ex and he has to step in. It might not always be smooth sailing, but that doesn't mean you're supposed to break up - he could be an incredible guy."

This ended up being the case for Amy. "When we did meet up, he told me all about his son, Sam, and how he shared custody with his ex," says Amy. "We dated for a few weeks but even though he was only five years older than me, it just felt like we were in very different life stages. Between work and his son, it seemed like he had a lot on his plate; I let it fizzle out because I didn't feel like he had room in is life for me."

The meet market

If the relationship does get off the ground, the next thing to consider is him introducing you to his child - which can often be more daunting than meeting his mates or even his parents!

"Before James, I'd never dated a man with a child," says Caitlin, 30, of her boyfriend of 18 months. "We were friends for three months before we got together as a couple and I was absolutely petrified before I met his four year old Isabella. Luckily, we hit it off straight away and have so much fun together. The other day Izzy even told me that I am her best friend, which was the most adorable thing in the world."

As with most things in life, timing is crucial to ensuring the introduction goes smoothly. "Don't try to meet the child too early," advises Dr McMillan. "Wait until the relationship is serious and you are both ready. This is also for your protection - if you get attached to the child before you're certain of your feeling for their dad, you could just be setting yourself up for additional heartbreak."

You also have to be prepared for a less-than-welcoming reaction from his kid. "The circumstances of their parents break-up will certainly colour how the child feels about you," says Dr McMillan. "Don't take it personally - they might be a lovely kid who feels like they are being disloyal to their mum by being friendly with you. Don't try too hard to win them over. Just let your relationship with them happen naturally and gradually."

The ex-factor

According to relationship expert Cheryl Dakis from LifeWorks Relationship Counselling and Education Services (lifeworks.com.au) it's perfectly natural for you to feel some jealousy towards your man's ex and even his child. What matters most is how you deal with these feelings. "Your partner will always have a biological connection to his ex through their child, so try as much as possible to have a civil, respectful attitude towards her," advises Dakis.

Ultimately, if you are considering getting involved with a dad, Dakis says it's vital that you enter the relationship with "eyes wide open and realistic expectations". However, if you write an amazing guy off straight away just because he has a kid, you might be short-changing yourself.
 
"When I started dating Murray, some of my friends told me I was crazy for taking on a guy with 'baggage'," admits Laura, 20. "But if the guy is genuine, honest and right for you, I think you should go for it. I'm madly in love with Murray and I'm so glad I decided to go with my gut and ignore those people who tried to talk me out of dating a dad."

By Sarah Ranawake.