Four signs he is emotionally unavailable

Sick of relationships that go nowhere? Here’s how to tell, on the first date, that there’s no room for you in his life.

4:32PM, Feb 18

1. He says he’s “not a relationships guy”

This is actually a brilliantly sneaky move of emotional manipulation, a sort of all- purpose “get out of responsibility free” card. Basically, by saying any variant of this line, he’s setting up a challenge that kind of makes you want to be the one to show him all the joys a long-term relationship can bring.

Then, when it inevitably fails because he flirts incessantly with another woman right in front of you or cancels on you at the last minute yet again, he can always say, “Look, I told you from the start I wasn’t a ‘boyfriend’ sort of guy.” Grrr …

2.He’s completely self-involved

It’s half an hour into your date and you’ve realised that, while you know his aunt’s name and why he doesn’t believe in owning a TV, he still doesn’t even know where you work. You valiantly attempt to steer the conversation into that trip to Europe you took last summer, but it only prompts him to exclaim, “Europe! I remember a holiday I took there five years ago … ”

There’s a reason it sounds like he’s not interested in what you have to say, and that is because he’s not interested in what you have to say. Relationships are about give and take and this guy is all about the taking.

3. He’s an excuse machine

He totally would’ve got that promotion at work if that one colleague hadn’t stabbed him in the back. He would’ve received a better mark in his final uni exam if his tutor hadn’t hated him. A guy who is full of excuses for everything that has ever turned out wrong for him isn’t really taking responsibility for the part that he played in how his life eventuated, so why would he be up for all the duties that a partnership entails?

This guy is always going to be full of (quite convincing) reasons why he isn’t ready to settle down; why he stood you up; and why he believes you’re just being needy. The bottom line is: He just doesn’t have the empathy to see things from a perspective other than his own, so you’re going to have a virtually impossible time ever getting him to compromise – a vital skill if you want to share your lives together.

4. He dates, but hasn’t had a relationship for longer than six months

Okay, clearly he’s cute enough, cool enough and seemingly normal enough to make women want to date him. But it’s a clear danger sign if, as time goes on, it always seems to fall apart. If someone is emotionally unavailable, they tend to put up a lot of walls that, at first, don’t seem a bother, but, as things progress, get in the way of a true connection forming.

This may be why his weak attempts at settling down seem to disintegrate over and over again. Unless a person is willing to emotionally engage and is able to offer genuine support for their partner, a happy relationship is never going to be sustainable.


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