What to do when your friends refuse to embrace your guy.
You think his Julia Gillard impersonations are funny, your friends reckon they’re sexist. You like his sarcasm, they believe it’s insulting. You think he’s like Orlando Bloom, they say he’s closer to Spencer Pratt. Here’s how to handle the “disliked boyfriend” situation.
Get the facts
When in love, your judgement can be a little clouded, so it’s definitely smart to listen to your mates. Relationship expert Carolin Dahlman (
coaching2love.com) says, “Listen to friends you really trust and who have your best interests in mind. Ask them to name exactly what they don’t like about your man – ie, the way he talks, his attitude, or the way he treats you. If they think he makes you unhappy and you’re in a toxic relationship, you need to value their warnings. But if they’re bothered about tiny things, tell them to leave you alone.”
Remember to control your reaction to whatever is said and remain calm. You asked for an honest opinion, after all. If your gal pals have a valid reason for disliking him, there may be no way to resolve the situation. If you believe your friends are wrong about your guy, then express this to them straightaway.
Sweet time
Try not to turn the situation into an “It’s a him or her” thing. “If you’re happy with your guy, your friend should be happy for you. Just make sure that you having a boyfriend doesn’t change your friendship with her,” says Dahlman. “Often, it’s easy to make your whole world revolve around your new relationship.”
Instead, try doing things together, so your friends get to spend more time with him and learn more about him. Maybe, then, their opinion will change. Also, don’t forget the need for quality gal time. There’s nothing like the start of a new romance to make a friend feel like they’ve lost their closest comrade. Go shopping together, pamper yourselves at the spa, or watch DVDs. All these activities can help reinforce the friendship bond.
Stop badmouthing
How have you been painting your partner to them? If you’re continually crying at the horrible way he’s treated you, then of course they’ll have reservations about him. Answer? Stop bitching about him! To counteract any damage you may have caused, Dahlman suggests the following: “Explain how he makes you feel and how better your life seems now. Remind them that we all need to vent every now and again, and you’re really only looking for an ear and some encouragement.”
Making a stand
If there’s no way your BFF is going to stop hating your beau, don’t push it. Just accept defeat and move on. “You and her are not copies of each other,” says Dahlman. “You’re not supposed to think alike about everything! Simply tell your friend you love her and, if she loves you, she should let you spend time with guys of your choice, without judging.” And when she sees he makes you happy, hopefully, she’ll stop badmouthing him.
Can’t cope with everyone not getting along? This is when it gets tougher and big decisions will need to be made. But, until then, just enjoy the fact that at least you won’t have to worry about your friend stealing your man!
By Joanna Barrry.