Most of us would agree that one of the best things about being a girl is the female friendships. Good, solid bonds provide women with everything they’re conditioned to love – fun, laughter, trust and security. Most of us couldn’t live without them.
But, along with all the good times, friendships also present certain obstacles that we might not be well-equipped to face. So we commit the unthinkable – one (or, in some cases, more) of the all-time seven deadly friendship don’ts. We ask the experts how to avoid destroying that special connection with your buddy.

1. Wrath

You’re holding onto anger from a past fight and neither of you has been able to let it go.     
Sound familiar? According to Jo Bassett, life coach and creator of Living Savvy (livingsavvy.com.au), you have to make one of two choices here: “Either resolve the issue within yourself, for example, through personal reflection, or bring the issue out in the open.” If you’re opting for the confrontational route (bravo to you, by the way), consider Bassett’s advice:

• The issue will take time to resolve
• You must plan the conversation
• Before talking, take time to try to understand your friend’s point of view|
•Accept the possibility that the outcome could change your friendship forever

Psychologist Jacqui Manning (mindadvantage.com.au) agrees, “If it’s too hard to verbalise, write it down. If you value the friendship and want to hold onto it, then one of you is going to have to face this, and it may as well be you.”

2. Sloth

You haven’t called/made plans/shown you care in ages.
It happens before we even realise it – important friendships start sliding down your priority list and you’re finding it hard to get back on track. First, acknowledge that priorities can change. “While you once valued your friendships highly, you may be focusing on your career or family now,” says Manning. And that’s fine if you’re happy that way. If, however, you miss how things used to be, the solution is simple: “Change your mindset and put more effort in,” advises Manning.
“Friends are who we share our dreams with. They celebrate our success, commiserate our losses, and encourage and challenge us,” says Bassett. And, to put it lightly, giving a girlfriend a call to see how she’s doing is the least you can do for a person who’s always there when you need her. If you’re seriously low on time, remember, quality over quantity.

 3. Gluttony

You want your friend’s world to revolve around you.  
A hint: This is probably the fastest way to push someone out of your life. If your ego is leaving little room for your friend, you might be expecting too much from someone you haven’t given anything to in return. Bassett warns that you need to watch your next step right now. “Eventually, she’ll stop returning your calls and listening to what you have to say,” she says. “Make some simple changes: do something nice and unexpected for her, organise a pamper day for just the two of you, or just spend a little time asking her about herself – things will soon be back to normal.”

4. Lust

You want friendships like the ones you see in films.
Let me guess, you want “better” friends, you wish you were having more fun, and yearn to be generally happier with your social circle. Bassett says, “‘Life air-brushing’ is having a detrimental effect on our happiness and friendships … It forces us to focus on what we’re missing out on, instead of what we have.”
Manning’s advice is to balance out your expectations with a little thing called reality. “Try to find friends for all occasions – someone to go dancing with, someone to go to the beach with, for example – and your needs might be satisfied.” Most importantly, stop relying on others for your personal happiness. Instead, pursue and cultivate your own interests outside of your friends.   

5. Envy

You’re seeing green over a friend who you feel is superior.
This one’s a slippery slope. “Comparing yourself to others will only lead to dissatisfaction as there’ll always be someone better or worse off than you,” says Manning. Her advice? “Make a list of all the things you’re grateful for, and all your good qualities. Anytime you start focusing on what you don’t have, change your focus to what you do have.”

6. Pride

You not-so-secretly think you’re superior to your friends.
Continue on this path and your friends will start to resent you – you’ll just be too proud to notice. Manning says, “It’s very positive to acknowledge your talents and skills, but there’s a difference between knowing your self-worth and comparing yourself with others.”
And don’t forget that happiness shared is happiness doubled – share your success with friends, and allow them to do the same with you. “We all want to feel good about ourselves,” says Manning. “While it’s a great thing for you to shine, allow your friends to shine too!”

7. Greed

You’re juggling too many friends and catching up is more of a chore than a pleasure.  
Let’s face it, life is pretty busy. It’s easy for friendships to become a burden as opposed to something you actually want to maintain. Try Bassett’s tips:

•  Arrange to see all your friends together in one big catch-up
• Organise your friends into three groups – often, occasional and rare – and schedule each into your life, like you would with work commitments
• Minimise your friendship circle  

Not the sinner?
Life coach Jo Bassett warns that we need to steer clear of “friends” who hold us back. It’s important to recognise them and work out if you need to cut them out of your life. 


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