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"I have been through the very situation. Even if he does tell you that he cancelled his facebook/msn..."

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Question:

I caught my husband having an affair on line with an ex-girlfriend. They found each other on Facebook and spoke constantly. He said some pretty hurtful stuff and told some huge lies. He has since promised not to be in contact with her but I can't seem to get it out of my head! How do I get over this? from Tracy

Answer:

You'll need to make sure he doesn't talk to her anymore but I feel the problem runs a lot deeper than this particular woman. If he gets hooked onto online interaction to the point of obsession which this sounds like, he'll probably do it whether with this woman or another.

The fact this it was his ex makes it more hurtful to you, I imagine but it's a general issue as well. People online are inclined to exaggerate or even lie, make up a fictitious life or worse, so what your husband did is not actutally so unusual. What you'll need to do is get him to face his problem and seek help because truly, it won't stop as things stand now. Forgiving him is important and offering him your support could make all the difference.

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Comments (16)

• Posted 01 Sep 2008 by How Horrible!
  That last comment was obviously from someone with no integrety what-so-ever. Don't let him drag you down in this. If you can forgive him once, fine but don't let it become twice. If he does it again, move on because you are worth more than that and you deserve someone that doesn't cheat on you. It took me years to learn this and you will too.
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• Posted 09 Sep 2008 by Michelle
  Tracy, It's a cycle. Once it happens, it will continue happening unless he is off the computer altogether. You can't stop him while he's checking his facebook at work. As much as what he has opened up about what he has done, there is going to be that question in your head about it. Im not saying leave. If you stick around & trust him again, you will find that you will be the one hurting when you break down and cry because of the memories of what he has done....he wont be the one crying!
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• Posted 15 Oct 2008 by ally
  tracy, you don't need a man like that once a liar always a liar, remeber that.
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• Posted 12 Nov 2008 by Grace
  Wow, your situation sucks. I agree with 'How horibble' that you should forgive him once but not twice and only if you truly want to. Remember that this is an age where settling down is not urgent and people are becoming less expectant of women to have a husband and children by the time they're 30. You don't deserve what happened to you and if you honestly think you can't get over it then that is ok, you need to rip the bandaid. Goodluck xox
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• Posted 29 Dec 2008 by AnnalisaMarcello
  Tracey, unless he has made massive changes & is helping you to trust in him again (canceling Facebook account/checking in with you/seeking counseling ) I can guarantee on my life that he will continue to chat/meet with this ex-girlfriend again, Facebook or otherwise. If you find he has been doing this again, you need to leave. Trust & honesty is paramount in a r'ship & if you dont have that, you have nothing.
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