Cleo Relationships And Dating
Dollar and sex
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20 Feb, 2009
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"For Ash and any othe girls in the situation where you and your partner do not earn the same amount o..."
Tough times
In this current economic climate, where many people are facing job losses and hefty credit card debts, financial security is at the forefront of everyone’s mind. Says Fenton, “The recent downturn has meant many people have had to push back their aspirational plans; remain ‘trapped’ in a hated job or delay having children.”
Luckily, things don’t always have a bad ending. “Such situations can bring couples closer together as they work out ways to cut back and do without. Ask yourself, ‘How many things do I really need?’. Often we have unreasonable lifestyle expectations – lower them and you’ll feel more capable of managing whatever you have.”
Make it work!
“Even if you hate paying the bills or having to think about a budget, don’t ask your partner to do everything,” warns Fenton. “This is a lot of responsibility for one person and can have him feeling more like your parent, than lover.”
When one partner earns substantially more, this can also cause problems. “Ideally, everyday expenses like rent, groceries and bills should be split on a percentage of earnings basis,” she says. For example, if you earn $60K and he earns $40K, you’ll be footing 60 per cent of the bills and your partner will be paying 40 per cent. In dollar terms, the higher income earner will always be paying more, but it’s a fair arrangement.
“Learn how to share proportionally according to not only what each person earns, but also what they do to contribute to the household and relationship. Work out non-financial ways to enrich each other’s lives and start valuing those things just as much,” advises psychologist Meredith Fuller. Another idea is to budget a specific amount each pay day that you’re free to spend as you like. Think of it as your play money. Fenton explains: “Together, work out how much you can afford to treat yourselves each week and then put that money aside in separate accounts or withdraw in cash each week. This will help you keep your discretionary spending to a limit that you’re both comfortable with.” Plus help you save at the same time.
Finally, don’t be afraid to talk about the ‘M’ word. “You need to be heading in the same direction to ensure both of your monetary needs and goals are satisfied,” says Fenton. Communication, as always, is the key to emerging from the economic crisis without relationship battle scars.
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