Today, I’m feeling okay about the new stand-up I performed recently. There were actually laughs … who knew?

People say I look like I need to eat more because I lost 20 kilos and people think I’m sick or something.

My best hangover cure is Alka-Seltzer. I’ve been thinking of combining it with my gin and tonics!

I could never date a woman who stands up to pee.

My last girlfriend would describe me as being too hard on myself but I’d say I’m not that bad, it’s just the voices in my head.

My secret talent is possibly not for public consumption.

My ultimate Saturday night is a night with my friends – doesn’t matter where.

My first job was a paper round. Six days a week with 5am starts for $15. $2.50 a day … ladies?

The worst piece of advice my parents gave me was to sell my shares for $9 when I was 16. They peaked at around $95, though it was hard to read through the tears.

The most romantic thing I’ve done for a girl is surprised her with a ticket to Byron Bay. I even made sure she had the best seat on the bus …

The naughtiest thing I’ve ever done was on a golf course during a game.

When I told my mum I was going to be a CLEO bachelor, she probably thought it meant a partially nude centrefold photo with a strategically placed staple.

If I was to make a mix tape for a girl I liked, I’d include Sarah Blasko and the Cardigans, because I listen to metal and I know that freaks people out.

In 10 years time, I hope to be still making a living doing what I love – making people laugh.

Girls going commando: hot

Having sex on the first date: hot

Women playing hard to get: not

Women with Brazilians: hot

Dirty text messages: hot

Girls who wear no make-up: hot

Chicks who have tatts: hot

Girl-on-girl action (for your attention): hot

Girls making the first move: hot