OD’ing on spray tans, exfoliation addiction and peroxide poisoning.
If there’s such a thing as beauty rehab, Gemma Crisp knows a few people who need to check in.
Even though it was over a decade ago, I can still remember the exact moment I became unhealthily obsessed with my eyebrows.
I was on a plane to Europe with my mum and sister, and one of us had bought a copy of Vogue to read on the flight.
Kate Moss was on the cover, with her hair pulled back, barely any make-up and the most threadbare eyebrows I'd ever seen in my life. It was love at first sight.
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A few days later, as the other two were getting stuck into pâté-smothered baguettes while sitting on the floor of our Paris hotel room, I snuck into the bathroom, rummaged through my mum's toiletries bag, pulled out her tweezers and started demolishing the two hairy caterpillars that resided above my eyes. I plucked. And plucked. Then I plucked some more.
Finally, after at least 45 minutes of attempting to emulate Kate’s barely-there brows, I emerged from the bathroom to find the pâté demolished and horrified looks on the faces of my family.
“What?” I asked nonchalantly, safe in the knowledge that I now had supermodel eyebrows. My sister started rolling around on the floor in hysterics while my mum told me horror stories of brows that never grew back.
Thankfully, mine did – they even survived a repeat massacre five years later when I got a little pluck-happy after a few glasses of wine. But that first foray into grooming gave birth to a full-blown eyebrow obsession.
These days, I can’t leave the house without my beloved Tweezermans – I have tweezers in my desk drawer at work, two back-up pairs in my bathroom and an extra pair to carry in my handbag. Not only am I militant about regrowth, I can’t stand having a brow hair out of place so I’m constantly on the search for the perfect clear brow gel.
Don’t worry, I do realise I come across as slightly obsessive-compulsive – but isn’t every girl when it comes to something about her appearance?
While scrolling through my mental Rolodex of friends, the following beauty obsessions spring to mind – weekly spray-tans come hell or high water, in the darkest Tandoori shade known to man; Epilady-ing arm hairs as well as supposed ‘sideburns’; never wearing sleeveless tops due to less-than-toned upper arms; and spending a crazy amount of money on eyelash extensions while supposedly saving for a house deposit. See? It’s not only guys who are into DIY – it’s just that the male version of DIY heaven is Bunnings Warehouse, while ours is Mecca Cosmetica.