Are you a destination addict?
Too busy thinking about your next life goal to even read this story? You could be missing out on some serious happiness.
Sometimes, life resembles a road trip. But, instead of soaking in the view, we impatiently zoom past each landmark, so hungry for the next pit stop we forget to enjoy the journey.
In a way, we become so addicted to the rush of finally reaching the destination, that the very second we arrive we’re already asking, “So, where to next?”.
Are we there yet?
So why are we so obsessed with reaching life’s milestones at breakneck speed? Domonique Bertolucci, success coach and author of Your Best Life (Hachette, $35), thinks it’s because we feel the need to make the most of the new-found possibilities, particularly those that women of past generations worked so hard to achieve.
“Young women feel a sense of obligation to be goal-oriented, and that if they’re not achieving something, they’re letting themselves down. However, when earlier generations fought for opportunities for women, they did it so we’d have choices, not so that we’d spend our lives desperately trying to experience every single one of those options in the shortest possible time.”
Jumping from one major accomplishment to the next can also be a self-defence mechanism, particularly if we’re unhappy with the current path we’re on. “People focus on the future because they’re not content with their current circumstances,” says Emily Maguire, social commentator and author of Smoke In The Room (Picador, $29.99).
“We all experience this at some time – when you’re at a new job, for example, you might curse the workload every day, but you keep at it because you know the end is worth it. The problem is, you may be looking forward as a way to distract yourself from fixing what’s wrong now.
If you’re dissatisfied with life, perhaps you need to go a bit deeper and discover why, rather than just reaching for the next obvious goal on a twentysomething’s checklist. Fulfilling life’s targets will only make you happy if the goal was one you valued in the first place.”
Future: unknown
The next time you’re stressing over that big promotion or whether he’ll get in touch for a second date, realise that, by its very definition, the future is a place you’ll never reach – no matter how much you strain to get there. “It’s a cliché, I know, but now is all we’re ever sure to have,” says Maguire. “There are no guarantees past that. Really noticing what it is about your life that you love is the best insurance against making yet another plan for something that you’ll end up feeling disappointed about.”
Happy now
While it’s important to aim for things, it’s not healthy to be focusing on your goals to the exclusion of your present happiness. It’s hard to feel truly content if you’re always plotting your next target, because it sends the message that something is wrong in your life at this second. And just like a real road trip, sometimes, it’s not where you end up that proves most memorable, but the crazy antics you get up to along the way.
Enjoying the ride
Success coach Domonique Bertolucci (domoniquebertolucci.com) shares her three tips for kicking destination addiction.
1 Remind yourself that the things you’ve done are just experiences; they don’t define you or measure your self-worth.
2 Take time to celebrate your successes before moving on to your next goal.
3 Accept the past, plan for the future, but live in the now.