No princess rescuing or unicorn taming required...
If you and your partner can get these seven things sorted, you’ll have a love so perfect, it’ll make the author of
The Notebook wish he waited to tell your story. With advice from a counsellor who stitches threadbare couples into haute-couture relationships for a living, your fairytale is coming.
1. Dream the same dreams
If your man’s focused on travelling to boost his career, but you’re clucky as hell and want to stay put, you’re at a coupledom crossroad. Either somebody compromises (without bitterness), or you move on. “Prior to making a long-term commitment, couples need to affirm with each other what they want from the relationship,” says Philip Armstrong, relationship counsellor and CEO of theaca.net.au.
2 Reignite the passion.
Ben, 29, and Elise, 27, had been living together for two years when their sex life started to idle. “It was less La Perla, more Lowes tracksuits,” admits Elise. To rev it back up, Ben suggested “Make-An-Effort Mondays”, where they’d wear nice clothes and take turns cooking dinner for each other. Elise thought it was a cute idea, and, as a result, more action followed.
“Many people interpret a dwindling sex life as being caused by a lack of performance or spice. The simple fact is that many women (and men) need to feel emotionally connected to their partner to engage in regular sex,” Armstrong says. To keep the bedroom in use, you first need to manage any external pressures, such as social life, diet, work and stress, as these can destroy the potential for any action.
3. Stand up to mama
Parents. You love ’em, but sometimes you want to administer medication for their interfering. “Meddling parents need to be confronted immediately,” Armstrong advises. If you don’t do this, there’s a high risk either partner’s parents will always have the last say. Try not to buckle when your oldies give you “that look”; it’s only going to get more stressful if you promise your dad you’ll cancel your trip to the Middle East without talking to your partner (who really wants to go).
4. Fight the good fight
When Bessie, 29, brings up issues with her live-in boyfriend, she always uses a neutral tone of voice and “I feel” language; for example, “I feel upset and I can’t relax when the house is messy”, instead of “You’re such a pig. Why can’t you ever clean up after yourself?”
Starting sentences with “I feel” instead of “You are” isn’t accusatory, so you’ll have a more calm discussion and be less likely to throw things. Armstrong says the occasional feud is fine, so long as you both agree to battle by the same rules. “Before entering into a fight with your partner, ask yourself: If you love them, is it important to win the fight at any cost? If the answer is yes, then you really don’t know what love is,” says Armstrong.