When you’re out there looking for love, or trying to navigate your way through a newish relationship, most women tend to set themselves a list of must-haves. Mine are generally this: funny, intelligent, dark haired, nice smile, good job, friendly face, follows AFL and a little bit taller than I am (even when wearing heels).

If I can find a guy who checks all of these boxes then I’ve got my ticket to a successful relationship and lasting love, right? Wrong. A successful relationship isn’t about how cute you look together, the perfect home, great friends or even having lots of similar interests. Those things just make it look good on paper. What does make a great partnership then?

To find out I fired questions at people who have relationships I admire – friends, work colleagues, even my parents – and soon realised there are certain things every couple needs to work long-term, no matter how old you are or what life stage you’re in.

1. Humour

It seems so simple, but being able to laugh together will get you through even the most mortifying moments – public fights, bedroom bloopers, even a few Ben Stiller-esque meetings with the in-laws. And if you’re really honest, you’d agree the best moments spent in bed aren’t perfecting some orgasmic tantric sex position, but lying there together on weekend mornings chatting and laughing about the week you’ve had. Just like the Mastercard ad. Priceless. 

2. Little gestures

Growing up, at least once a week, my dad would come home with a block of Caramello chocolate for mum. It was her favourite. But it never really dawned on me how important that $2.50 purchase was until I was talking to mum the other day. Dad’s not the most outwardly romantic guy; in fact he’s probably pretty standard “Aussie male” material in that respect. He doesn’t ask mum to dance at weddings.

I can’t remember him ever buying flowers, observing Valentine’s Day or anything remotely romantic. Caramello chocolate, though, was his little gesture. “He’d buy it for me because I loved it,” Mum admits. “And he didn’t care if it made me put on a few kilos. He knew it made me smile.” My old flatmate, Nicole, and her boyfriend, Keith, constantly do little things for each other when they think no-one’s watching. He peels her prawns for her, because she hates doing it. He even peels mine sometimes, because I’m her friend.

An old work colleague’s boyfriend walks her up to the office in the morning and comes to meet and walk her to the car most nights. Another friend’s boyfriend – who leaves for work at 5am – sends her a text message every morning at the same time her alarm goes off that reads: “Good morning gorgeous. Have a wonderful day.” These things might come thick and fast when you’re in the honeymoon period of a relationship – opening doors, presents, cute messages, cooking special dinners – but when you’ve been together for years it’s the little acts of kindness that make all the difference.